I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
