Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
