Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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