So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
