just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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