96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
