FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
