it wasn't lemon gatorade
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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