Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
