HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
