1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
