I could make wine with my vomit
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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