he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
