I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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