you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
