Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I love you. Go after that dick
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
