its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
