TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
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