My nipple is on Facebook.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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