I just made out with a guy for $7.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
