Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
