wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Randomize
