you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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