He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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