You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just found a bag of teeth...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
