Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
