you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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