wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
