singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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