my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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