So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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