Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
