Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
