You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
