she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
