Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
