Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
