trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
