R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
