I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Sext me about skeletons
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
