apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
