just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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