i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
