Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
