You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
