i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
