He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
