pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
