The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
