Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
