Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You may now shotgun with the bride
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
